Positive Reinforcement: It’s Not Just For Parenting

Posted on November 20, 2007 in Motivation by byronb

Like light to a flower or fuel to a fire, whatever you put your attention on, grows.

If you praise a child for exhibiting desired qualities, you support the development of those qualities. Likewise, if you punish a child for negative behavior, you unwittingly perpetuate that negative patterning. If you take your focus from undesired behavior (ie. ignoring a screaming temper tantrum) and instead direct your energy towards positively reinforcing desired behavior, the desired behavior slowly takes over and the unwanted behavior slips away from sheer neglect.

We are no different than that child, or that flower. Different parts of ourselves yearn for attention, and the parts we feed with our attention are the parts that grow. To produce a more desirable state, in your being and out in the world, be discriminating in what you choose to encourage with your attention.

The process of Reinforcement works on both a positive and a negative level alike. Positive reinforcement is the act of responding to a desired behavior by adding a positive stimulus in order to increase the likelihood of that positive behavior re-occuring. Negative reinforcement is the act of responding to a desired behavior by removing a negative stimulus in order to increase the possibility of a positive behavior occurring.

Conversely, there is punishment. Punishment is the diametric opposite of reinforcement. Punishment involves respond to an undesired behavior by inflicting a negative stimulus (positive punishment) or removing a positive stimulus (negative punishment) in order to decrease the likelihood of that negative behavior recurring.

In punishment, your attention - the “light” - is on the undesired behavior. Punishment therefore achieves little but pain, resentment, and (ironically) the reinforcement of negative modes of thinking and behavior. The end result of punishment is suffering, not rehabilitation; and suffering only produces more suffering. The end result of positive reinforcement is joy; and joy will only produce more joy.

At the root of punishment is a resistance to forgiveness. You wouldn’t berate a child learning how to ride a two-wheel bicycle for the first time for falling off, would you? No, you’d just help the child up, offering it comforting words of encouragement, then set it off to try again, cheering in the background the whole way. And yet you’d be so hard on yourself for the innocent slips and mistakes you make in your effort to live a good and happy life? Are you so much wiser than that child that you think you’re above making mistakes? If you think so, you’re not so wise, after all. And even for that, you deserve to be forgiven.

Positive reinforcement is used in parenting, education, politics, and business. It’s a classic management tool: the reward system, raises and promotions for a job well done. And it works, both for those receiving the rewards and those for whom reward remains but an incentive.

“Give them an inch, they want a yard,” the saying goes. Give someone a bit of something good, they want more of it. Positive-reinforcement is its own incentive. It feels good to be praised, appreciated. And when we feel good about something, we do more of it. That goes for your children, employees, coworkers, friends, students, acquaintances, and most importantly your innermost self.